This year’s Shavuos Sugya explores the Halachos of Kibud Av V’eim.

This most significant Mitzvah is the fifth of the Aseres Hadibros. Our Chachamim state that the Aseres Hadibros were divided into two parts - the first five being mitzvos that are Bein Adam L’makom and the last five being Mitzvos that are Bein Adam L’chaveiro.  The Mitzvah of Kibud Av V’eim is included in the first set (Bein Adam L’Makom), clearly showing the importance of this Mitzvah, and distinguishing it from a regular “Bein Adam L’chaveiro” Mitzvah.

There are two components to this Mitzvah: Kibud and Morah (honoring and revering) – and each category has very specific Halachos.  This choveres will analyze each one individually.

The Mitzvah of Kibud is generally accomplished by “doing” things for one’s parents to ensure that their physical needs are met. Examples include providing them with food, drink, taking care of their medical and financial needs, etc.

The Mitzvah of Morah is generally fulfilled by “not doing” certain things and by having certain feelings and thoughts regarding one's parents.  Examples include showing respect by not contradicting them, not sitting in their regular places, etc.

Some of the questions discussed:

Does the Mitzvah of Kibud Av V’eim fall into the category of Mitzvos of Bein Adam L’chaveiro or Bein Adam L’makom?  (If one was negligent in this Mitzvah, would he need to ask Mechila from Hashem as well?)

Financial repercussions:

·         Although a child is obligated to purchase food and feed his parents, may he use the parents’ money to pay for it?

·         If the child cannot afford to purchase food, is he obligated to raise funds to feed his parents?

·         What if caring for one’s parents requires him to take off from work and thereby suffer financial difficulty? 

·         Why did our Chachamim praise Dama ben Nesina for not disturbing his father’s sleep, and thereby suffering a tremendous financial loss, in order to maintain Kibud Av?

·         Is one obligated to comply with everything his parents dictate?

·         Does The Mitzvah of learning Torah take precedence over the Mitzvah of Kibud Av V’Eim?

·         If a son wants to marry a particular girl who he feels will be a suitable shidduch for him, and the parents object, does the son need to heed his parents’ demand?

Makom Kavua:

o   If one’s father or mother has a makom kavua in shul, is it forbidden for a son/daughter to stand in that spot?

o   May a child sit in a place in the home that is designated for a parent to sit?

o   May he stand in the place where a parent sits?

Contradicting one’s parents:

o   Is it prohibited to contradict a parent?

o   If a parent has a verbal disagreement with another person, and the child tells the other person “I concur with your view”, is this considered contradicting the parent?

o   Is this only in the presence of the parent?

o   What about after the parents’ death?